Here’s an excellent post at Lifehack.org by Craig Harper on the subject of being single, just in time for Valentine’s Day. Read it; it says everything I would have said on the strange expectancy that all single people of a particular age should fall in line and get married for various illogical reasons like “your clock is ticking” and “your parents want grandkids”. Er, ok.
Let me share some thoughts on the subject.
I have not been planning my wedding since I was a little girl.
It is an accepted fact that girls are once brainwashed by centuries of social conditioning that their only function on this earth is to find a suitable
sperm donor man and raise his children. Not any more. Hell, no. I certainly had better things to do when I was a little girl, like blowing bubbles, playing in the drain and enjoying my very own swing.
I’m not terrified of being alone for the rest of my life.
Circumstances of my upbringing and the human nature I’ve been exposed to in my 30 years have prepared me for a life not shared with a hallowed Significant Other. For most parts, I prefer being alone. If I somehow fail at the “being alone for the rest of my life” bit, I’m gonna need someone who isn’t going to take it personally if I don’t (want to) see or speak to them all day.
I do not want kids.
Kids are a commitment I’m not prepared to make. Well, let’s be honest here… I don’t even like kids. The thought of one springing from my loins fill me with horror.
Nobody needs my help in populating the earth because the human species is the last one that is going to go extinct. Trust me on this one. So the “your clock is ticking” crap is irrelevant.
“But what if you husband want kids?” is the most common response.
Simple. If you want kids more than you want me, go marry a baby factory. No hard feelings. Except the one in your trousers, of course.
The above pretty much dispels any urgency to get married by a certain due date. Let’s look at some of the lines we singletons get.
“No boyfriend? Why not?”
So many possibilities.
- My current stock answer is “What do I need one for?” Sometimes it’s “What do I need one for? I can open jars by myself.”
- Maybe there isn’t anyone. Since I’m not desperate enough, I have no reasons to lower my standards and “settle”. Mr Perfect doesn’t exist. That’s okay with me.
- Maybe I’m gay and you really should be asking about the girlfriend.
“You’ll find someone someday.”
This line is normally sprouted by well-meaning acquaintances who are wallowing in marital bliss and want all their friends to know the joys of marriage so that we can compare notes the next time we meet up. I used “well-meaning acquaintances” because “well-meaning friends” will know better than to use that line.
Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. Maybe I don’t want to. No need to be such a condescending beeyotch.
“Your parents will want grandkids.”
Really? Did they discuss this with you? They didn’t discuss this with me. Why are they discussing it with you? And while we’re on the subject, who’s gonna look after the grandkids? Not me!
“Are you against marriage?”
No. Marriage makes people happy. If it works for you, yay. Just don’t assume what makes you happy will have the same effect on everyone else. Some of us find joy in world domination or pwning someone on Scrabulous.
“If you’re still single, there is something wrong with you.”
You’re right, there’s plenty wrong with me – short, fat, ugly, ill-tempered, apathetic, easily bored, flighty, undependable, self-indulgent, selfish… take your pick. But the biggest thing wrong with me is that I don’t care.
I don’t care about society’s expectations on where my life should be by now. They are not the ones will have to deal with a lifetime of regret that comes from bowing to peer pressure.
So it’s Valentine’s Day and I’m obligated to extend my wishes to those of you who want it. If you’re happily attached, you really should know better than to buy into the Valentine’s Day hype and join the ranks of the other lemmings with VD. Have a Happy Thursday, in which I will be not terribly happy because I am forced to miss my usual Thursday dinner out just to avoid you lots.